The Death Of Aeris's Flowers
by Evil Muses
Summary: Aeris turns homicidal when everyone is out to get her flowers. PG13 for language and stuff... just to be safe, ya know?


Disclaimer: We, the muses, don't own FFVII. SquareSoft/ SquareEnix does. Too bad, because owning Sephiroth would be really nice. Hehehe.  
  
Authors Note: We, the muses, know that everyone is out of character. So flames saying that Sephiroth or Aeris or anybody `really aren't like that' are no good. We know they aren't like that. Heh. Flames will be used to melt metal to make swords and other weapons. So there.  
  
  
  
The Death Of Aeris's Flowers  
  
Aeris was in the church watering her flowers when she heard the door open. "Don't step on the flowers," she said automatically.  
  
"Guess what happened? You wouldn't believe," Tifa started to yell, but was stopped when Aeris glared at her. Tifa was standing on Aeris's flowers.  
  
"Get off my beautiful flowers," Aeris hissed, looking rather homicidal.  
  
Tifa just waved her hand and continued, "Oh, but this is so great! The stupid flowers don't matter compared to this!" Tifa did not step off the flowers. Aeris then growled at lunged at Tifa for insulting her flowers.  
  
"DON'T YOU EVER, EVER INSULT MY BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS! I'LL KILL YOU!" Aeris had fallen over the edge. She continued the attempted murder until the door opened and she heard her flowers being squished under a heavy weight. She let go of Tifa and looked at the invader, Red XIII, who was lying in her flowers, eating them. Aeris's left eye twitched. "What are you doing EATING my flowers?" she screamed, jumping up and down.  
  
"Stomach ache," Red explained at continued gulping down the little dainty yellow things. Also known as flowers. The sacred flowers. Most people would expect Red to be too smart to do this, but his intelligence was marred by the pain. "STOP EATING MY FLOWERS!"  
  
"Huh? I can't here you over the noise of my teeth ripping apart your beloved flower bed!" Aeris smacked him. Red gave her a confused look and then wandered away, looking for other flowers to eat. He probably would find Aeris's house and eat all the flowers back there.  
  
Tifa, who had been backing away slowly throughout the whole exchange between Red and Aeris, had escaped. Aeris sighed and tried fixing the rest of her flowers. She started singing a small song, until her peace was disturbed again. Tifa had come back with Barret. And they were both standing on her flowers. Aeris looked like a bomb ready to explode.  
  
She exploded. She jumped on Tifa and knocked her unconscious, and then turned on Barret. "Get your fat tub of lard ass off my flowers," she said simply, and Barret, seeing what she did to Tifa, ran away. It was amazing how fast he ran, being so fat and all. Aeris cackled and continued to try to fix her flowers.  
  
And then the door opened again. And she heard a crunch, meaning that someone was stepping on her flowers, again. She turned, ready to kill the person, and then started jumping up and down with joy, giggling. It was Cloud. "Awe, hi Cloudie! Haven't seen you for ever!"  
  
Tifa, who had woken up, looked confused. "Why can he step on the flowers and I can't?"she asked.  
  
"Because he looks so adorable when he does!" Aeris yelled back, squeaking at how cute Cloud was. She started to talk to Cloud and then heard a snipping noise, and soon after, gunshots. Yuffie was cutting the flowers, and Vincent was shooting them. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT FOR?"  
  
"A small poisonous bug is living in there. It kills with one bite," they explained.  
  
"I DON'T CARE! STOP HURTING MY BABY FLOWERS!" she screamed. Yuffie and Vincent shrugged, and left. Someone tugged at Aeris's sleeve. She turned, seeing Cait Sith, who was also stepping on one of her last living flowers. "Get off the flower," she snarled, and Cait Sith stepped off, surprisingly. Aeris smiled at him (him? I forget the gender of it... darn.)  
  
"May I tell your flower's fortune?"  
  
"Of course," she said, and smiled again.  
  
"They will be trod on, eaten, laid on, shot, cut, and finally, they will be mowed. They will all die," he predicted wisely.  
  
Aeris's left eye twitched again. "They will not be mowed. AND THEY WILL NOT DIE! YOUR PREDICTIONS ARE ALWAYS WRONG ANYWAY!" she screamed. Cait Sith stuck out his tongue and left. Aeris turned back at Cloud and continued to compliment exactly how cute he was. She then heard a noise. A terrible noise. A most frightening noise. The sound... of a lawn mower being used. She turned very slowly, not only homicidal, but also raving mad. Sephiroth was mowing down her flowers. She started jumping up and down. "TURN THAT OFF!"  
  
Sephiroth nodded, and turned off the lawn mower surprisingly. There was one flower left.  
  
Aeris stared at it. Sephiroth stared at it. Cloud stared at it. Everyone else looked through windows to see the last flower. Aeris's eye twitched again. Sephiroth's eyes flashed. He took out his sword, and soon there were no more flowers. None. Just some petals lying around in all states of harm. Aeris twitched. And started screaming. And then... everything went still. "DAMN YOU ALL," Aeris yelled, "I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! SCREW THE FLOWERS!" She then stormed out, giving everyone the finger.  
  
Barret, Yuffie, Vincent, Cait Sith, Tifa, and Red reentered. Cloud and Sephiroth grinned at them. High fives were exchanged. Then they all started laughing- they could almost hear Aeris screaming when she saw the flower garden behind her house. Which had been eaten by Red. They all shared stories of flower harming, and then went their separate ways. Tifa went to go make out with Cloud. Barret went to go get drunk at the bar. Cait Sith tried to predict fortunes in the street for money. Yuffie went to go take dancing lessons. Vincent went somewhere and drank tea. Red went into the corner and burped up flowers. Sephiroth returned to wherever he was hiding previously, where he would plan to kill more people.   
  
Everyone that wasn't in the plan to kill the flowers got all sulky, then made their own plan and went and danced on the place the flowers used to be. Everyone, except for Aeris, lived happily ever after. And the flowers didn't grow back. Aeris started to collect rocks.....   
  
....But then they (the rocks) exploded. 


End file.
